Famous words from the Doors...This is the End!

I had such a great time with my classes and will miss them. I am looking forward to my next term. I never though that I would like to blog, but I found it to be a great outlet for anything that I may be going through. Sometimes there are thing in your head that you just have to get out and blogging was a wonderful place for that. Thank you all for reading my insistent rambling of things that no one really cares about hearing. I am going to miss you all! I loved this Comp class and am kind of sad to see it end. I will continue to use all of the information put out there for me this term and know that with it behind me I will be able to pull off some of the best work that I have ever put out before. The learning process was amazing and very helpful. Thank you again to professor McCage for everything that you have done over the last term. I will keep in contact through facebook!

It comes to a Head

I have made the decision that it is time to find a new job. I have been at my current job for several years, 10 to be exact and I have grown tired of it. I use to think that Parks was where I wanted to be and even went as far as to make myself believe that I would actually go somewhere with them. I was wrong. I have gone no where with them at all. I am still in the same spot that I was when I began back in 2001. At this point, I don't care if I find something that I make less money at as long as I am not at Parks and as long as I do not have to use my car so much. I need to get out of parks, and that is exactly what I am doing. I am trying to fight the urge to just up and quit without anything to back me up. I have been filling out applications at places and I hope to have a new job by the end of this week, then I can just drop my keys on my bosses desk and leave. I am dreaming of that day and hope that it comes soon!

Ignorance is Bliss

Have you ever had a job for so long that you thought that it couldn't possible come to an end? I had that last week until a person on my crew accused me of being a racist. I am pretty far from being a racist! I don't have a problem with anyone unless they create one. So, as a result of this new information, I have been moved to another park to work alone. I lost my park, my crew and someone I thought was a friend. Then come to find out, that the day after I was moved, the guy who accused me of such a horrible thing, was promoted to MY rank, given MY park and crew! I saw someone else go down the exact same way a few years ago, only she was fired. I think that maybe I was given a better deal than him though. I got to keep my title and my pay, plus I don't have to deal with anyone at all and I get the weekends off. I like weekends off :) .

I told my sister what had happened and she said that I have finally learned the fine art of promotion through ignorance. lol. I love my sister!

Heheheh Hahaha I feel GREAT!!

Thanks to Pink, I have a new song that makes me feel SO FREAK'N GOOD! She wrote a song that just describes him and how I feel and I LOVE IT!

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na

I guess I just lost my boyfriend
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna spend my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent

I got a brand new attitude
And I'm gonna wear it tonight
I'm gonna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
I wanna start a fight
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
I wanna start a fight

So, so what, I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine and you're a fool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight

The waiter just took my table
And gave it to Jessica Simps
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy
At least he'll knows how to sing

What if this song's on the radio?
Somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
He's gonna start a fight
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Yeah, he's gonna get in a fight

So, so what, I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine and you're a fool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight

You weren't there, you never were
You want it all but that's not fair
I gave you life, I gave my all
You we're there, you let me fall

So, so what, I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine and you're a fool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine and you're a fool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight

We all have to have something that makes up feel absolutely at our best, and this song does it for me. I might even make it my ring tone! Did I say that I feel AWESOME? Well, I do! HAHAHAHA

Grrrr

Hmmm, So the writing of this paper came to me easier than I thought it would. I have issues with writing a conclusion because by the time I get to it, my head is so full of things that I have gone through in my paper, that I can not seem to sort them out into a coherent thought. This is why they call it the rough draft though, so I can write it out, get an opinion and some help on it and fix the things that I need to fix before I have to turn it in for real. My other final paper in my other class isn't coming out too easy. I actually have to research everything about it. With this paper, I have read so much on the Bubonic plague over the last 3 years, that it just flowed out of my head through my hand and on to the computer. I hope I do well on this project. It is very informative, like it should be. I know that I don't have to cite common knowledge, but really, who (besides me and others who have studied this thing) are going to know all that much about it. Some people don't even know the dates that it took place and that it hit Europe more than once and I am ONLY writing about the initial outbreak that lasted 5 years? ** sigh**

Don't Live in Regret

Got to talk to a friend from years back for the first time in ... well, years. We reminisced about the times we had and began to wonder why times like that seem to fly by leaving a permanent stain in your memory and why it seems that all the fun times have to end. Maybe this happens to everyone. As we get older, our priorities change and our ideas change and we aren't so focused on what we were then but on what we are now. Maybe what we are now isn't as great as we think it is. I had some really good times with him while we were hanging out and I would love to hold onto that, but he didn't seem so keen on it. Maybe our great that we like to remember is the source of regret for others. We are too focused on how we feel about certain thing that we don't take the time to stop and think about how someone else might be feeling about it.

Take the friends who hung out all the time but never dated. One remembers all the great times they had as friends and the other begins to remember and they both share some great fun filled memories where they were having a great time. While one is ecstatic over the memories that have come up, the other begins to think about things and wishes things would have turned out differently, and how their life has changed for the worse since then. This sends this person into a regretful mood and quite possible, depression. The conversation ends abruptly because the other person just simply can't handle it anymore. How is the other person, the one who was happy to remember all that stuff, supposed to feel about the sudden termination of the conversation? It kind of makes them feel well, sort of bad, like they said something wrong. This will be in their thoughts no, wondering what was said that was wrong, and if they will ever speak again. Maybe that is a bit too harsh. A little too dramatic.

What's the difference between a G-spot and a Golf Ball?
A man will actually LOOK for a golf ball!!

Stick With My Head Baby and We Will Go Far!!

So, how does it work when you finally realize that you are lonely and have actually made the decision to begin dating again? Why do we always want what we can't have? Apparently, its some genetic disease, or maybe it's my intuition trying to tell me that I'm not really ready yet. See, I have a crush on someone that I can not possibly have because he is married. I guess I developed this because its safe in my eyes. I won't EVER make a move because of his status which means that I will NEVER have to be rejected and I can admire from afar. I feel safe this way, or maybe that is apart of my backwards thinking. :)

I also realized that someone I used to date years ago is no where near the same person that he once was. I thought for a little bit that he might be the one that I was supposed to be with, then as the months went on (as friends) and the more I spoke to him I realized that he is not a very happy person and likes to complain about a lot. Hearing constant complaining, is totally not my thing. Why are guys so much like children? Can't they grow up and act like an adult for a little bit? Maybe its too hard for them.

Work is going well and the crews are beginning to come on. Things are moving pretty slowly though. We have 6 parks to open up in 11 days and the water is not on anywhere, most of our supplies are not in, pipes are broken everywhere, and there are only 5 people to do it all in this very short amount of time. If it wasn't like this, then it wouldn't be California State Parks. We are just very good at pulling it all together. Got to work in the wind and rain today...groovy.

A Drift in the Shallow Harbor of Patience

Nothing really bothering me today. I went to work and before I did ANYTHING I asked. I skipped my break that I am required by law to take as still didn't get it all finished. So the rest of the list that I made myself, that I have to do at work, was almost finished before It was time to go home. I will continue this list tomorrow on top of whatever else they decided to shovel onto me. I would really like for them to find something wrong with anything that I did today! They probably will, that's just how they are.

I'm not all that worried about things today. I am feeling much better than the previous days. It really helped that I was given a completely unexpected ego boost from an unlikely source. Friends can be the light that you need to guide you back onto the path that you inadvertently wandered off of, so you are taken back to the safety of familiar territory. I love my friends!

I have to say that being under as much stress as I have been over the last few days, has helped me focus extra hard on my homework. I have gotten more accomplished since Wednesday that I think I have in a few previous classes. Somewhere along the line I began to care about it again. This is very good news to myself!

I cut my finger today after the knife decided that an impromptu change of venue was the right and proper thing to do. Remember, no matter what anyone tries tells you, inanimate objects DO have thoughts and generally they are focused on how they can get back at you for thier over useage.

The Need to Write for No Real Reason

Not really sure why I have chosen to come on here and write again, nothing new has changed or developed. I have calmed down a bit for my previous posting. I guess what they say is true, the passage of time helps things seem not so bad. Then again, it was said best by Ally McBeal: Today is going to be a not so bad day. Our day is what we make of it. Why is it that simple, yet putting it into action is so tough? Why does motivation elude so many of us and it seems hopeless to try to change it. Where do all these people with all of this insane motivation get it from?

I was yelled at by my boss the other day and I realize that everything she said was true, but I couldn't help but be upset with her? Why is it that when we get caught doing/not doing the things that we need to be, we get upset with the person who caught us instead of ourselves? We are the issue and we know it, so why be pissed off at the other person? For catching you? Calling you out on it? Doing their job by talking to you about it? Really, the person that we should be upset with is ourselves, and you know what the kicker is? I left the meeting and thought...I need a new job! Lol REALLY??? No, I don't need a new job, I just need to do mine. I need to be more prepared for the things that I need to get done. Then again, she really did not need to talk to me the way that she was either. Her communication skills (<----- This weeks discussion topic!) are seriously lacking.

However, the other things that are being worked out are going very slowly. Most of it, as with other people no days, has to do with money or lack there of. I owe so much money to other people for helping me out when I really need it. Seems to me like I am ALWAYS needing it. I know this all comes in a time when everyone else is sitting in the same boat and we are all trying our best not to capsize it.

I guess this is it for now, I may come back later with something else to rant about.
P.S. Saw a sign in a Doctors office yesterday that read:

Unattended Children
will be given an Espresso
and a Free Puppy!

Stress and Various Other Issues of the Internally Damaged

Ok, so this is my first blog and though it is not my first time ever posting a blog, it is my first time creating a journal of sorts for people who are actually going to look at it.

I find it kind of hard to think of things to write about while the sound of Shrek the Halls is ringing through my ears. The life of a 3 year old must be so simple. I know that it is way more simple than my own at this point. I only wish that all of the stress that I have resting on me would soon dissolve into nothing more than a pebble in my shoe. I need to change so many things and I know that I take it all on and try to resolve it all at once (which is impossible). I have to be patient and not become discouraged because it is taking time to resolve the issues that are happening at this point in time.

People say that having a cat is very relaxing and a great stress reducer because of the petting action. I can't say if this is true or not. All my cats seem to be interested in is walking all over my computer while it's in use and sticking their butts in my face. They seem to have it just as easy as my 3 year old.

Wow, here I was thinking that I couldn't think of anything to write and there it all is, in plain view, that I have more on my mind than I thought. Maybe this will be good therapy for me.

Everyone, please place your seat and tray tables to their full up right position, We are in for a very bumpy ride!